Dear Age 14 Self,
I'm not going to sit here and romanticize high school for you, or your teenage years. It's all been a blur in honesty. Four years, as I now have realized, is a little freeze frame in time that we can hardly grasp. Hell, a lot of us have another four to go, some even more. So stop beating yourself up for not wearing mascara today. Eat a good lunch. Stop worrying about your hair being pin straight. That corny little poster in your English class, the one that says something like, "30 years from now, it won't matter what jeans you wore, how popular you were, what your hair looked like, or what sneakers you wore. What will matter is what you learned, and how you used it," is completely cliché but, God help me, it's one hundred percent true. I can't tell you what colour we painted our nails on the first day of grade nine, but there are four things that I can tell you to help you get through
1. You're going to struggle with who you are. Labels, as much as we try to stray from them, are inevitable. Bare with me, you're going to go through about a thousand phases. You'll be super into indie rock bands at one point, maybe find a knack for meditating in the morning and Jesus Christ, you're going to see nature for its beauty. Don't lose yourself for him. Don't lose yourself for popularity; for friends. Stand your ground. There's going to be times where your stomach is turning and you can't stop crying because of how humiliated, embarrassed or hurt you are, but I promise you, darling, it's going to be okay. Go cuddle with your mom, have a bowl of ice cream, call your best friend because no matter what happens, what phases you go through or what choices you make, you always have the power to grow and mould yourself into who you want to be. You don't need to jeopardize who you are for the sake of fitting in. You will always fit somewhere, even if it's in the corner of the library studying, as long as it is where you feel yourself.
2. After four years you might be going insane wondering what you're going to be when you grow up and how you're going to get there. It's crazy, at fifteen you're sitting in a careers class wondering why your career aptitude test is telling you to be a public speaker when you can't even ask to go to the bathroom without stuttering. My only advice to you here is to stick with what you love. If you spend all your time playing video games, do some research on it, you could do so many things with it. Sales...testing...animation. I spent four years reading a new novel every week and now I know I want to study English Literature. It's not an easy choice, but as long as you explore your options, you're at least on the right track. The beauty of this is that you are allowed to change your mind and you will. You'll get acceptance letters and swear you're going to live in Kingston for four years, then change your mind completely. But I promise you, you'll choose what's best for you in the end.
3. Never forget that you are human. We have bad days. We have really shit days. It's okay if you don't stay up until 3:00am doing an essay. Your teacher will understand if you explain what happened calmly. TEACHERS ARE HUMANS TOO. If it's giving you anxiety, go watch Pride and Prejudice and calm down. Inhale. Exhale. You're not a machine. It's okay to stay home sometimes. You can get missed notes from your classmates, they're human too. They understand. Just know you're going to pull through, even if it takes you some time. Rome wasn't built in a day. Be loving with your parents. You might think you're too cool for their friendship but they're smart, and they love you. Take their advice. Let them guide you. They'll back you 100% no matter what, let them be your rock because, well, they are, they're family.
4. Time is a relentless son of a gun. One second you're a brace faced little nerd walking into Mrs. Grando's grade nine academic science class and the next you're dressed in red walking into prom with your best friend. So cherish absolutely every moment, relish in the heartbreak and bathe in your insecurities because I cannot tell you how fast they will leave your midst. You are an artist and high school is your canvas. Make something of it. Leave your mark. Before you know it you won't be able to walk into forth period and blush at the same guy you've had your eyes on all semester. You won't pass that small little blonde kid on your way to lunch. You won't be able to complain about the god awful uniform you wear in the winter. Things end, and they end quickly. Tell people how you feel, sing in the shower, let loose. High school is only home to you for four years and four years literally comes to feel like four minutes. You can cry about it. You can curse the ass for making you grow up. But it's inevitable. Time cycles on, brings a new day, but it leaves old memories and will bring you to new places. So, write things down. Take a selfie. Good lord, videotape you dancing to some ridiculous boy band. Give yourself little memories of the time you spent.
Because it's the last time you will spend there.
1. You're going to struggle with who you are. Labels, as much as we try to stray from them, are inevitable. Bare with me, you're going to go through about a thousand phases. You'll be super into indie rock bands at one point, maybe find a knack for meditating in the morning and Jesus Christ, you're going to see nature for its beauty. Don't lose yourself for him. Don't lose yourself for popularity; for friends. Stand your ground. There's going to be times where your stomach is turning and you can't stop crying because of how humiliated, embarrassed or hurt you are, but I promise you, darling, it's going to be okay. Go cuddle with your mom, have a bowl of ice cream, call your best friend because no matter what happens, what phases you go through or what choices you make, you always have the power to grow and mould yourself into who you want to be. You don't need to jeopardize who you are for the sake of fitting in. You will always fit somewhere, even if it's in the corner of the library studying, as long as it is where you feel yourself.
2. After four years you might be going insane wondering what you're going to be when you grow up and how you're going to get there. It's crazy, at fifteen you're sitting in a careers class wondering why your career aptitude test is telling you to be a public speaker when you can't even ask to go to the bathroom without stuttering. My only advice to you here is to stick with what you love. If you spend all your time playing video games, do some research on it, you could do so many things with it. Sales...testing...animation. I spent four years reading a new novel every week and now I know I want to study English Literature. It's not an easy choice, but as long as you explore your options, you're at least on the right track. The beauty of this is that you are allowed to change your mind and you will. You'll get acceptance letters and swear you're going to live in Kingston for four years, then change your mind completely. But I promise you, you'll choose what's best for you in the end.
3. Never forget that you are human. We have bad days. We have really shit days. It's okay if you don't stay up until 3:00am doing an essay. Your teacher will understand if you explain what happened calmly. TEACHERS ARE HUMANS TOO. If it's giving you anxiety, go watch Pride and Prejudice and calm down. Inhale. Exhale. You're not a machine. It's okay to stay home sometimes. You can get missed notes from your classmates, they're human too. They understand. Just know you're going to pull through, even if it takes you some time. Rome wasn't built in a day. Be loving with your parents. You might think you're too cool for their friendship but they're smart, and they love you. Take their advice. Let them guide you. They'll back you 100% no matter what, let them be your rock because, well, they are, they're family.
4. Time is a relentless son of a gun. One second you're a brace faced little nerd walking into Mrs. Grando's grade nine academic science class and the next you're dressed in red walking into prom with your best friend. So cherish absolutely every moment, relish in the heartbreak and bathe in your insecurities because I cannot tell you how fast they will leave your midst. You are an artist and high school is your canvas. Make something of it. Leave your mark. Before you know it you won't be able to walk into forth period and blush at the same guy you've had your eyes on all semester. You won't pass that small little blonde kid on your way to lunch. You won't be able to complain about the god awful uniform you wear in the winter. Things end, and they end quickly. Tell people how you feel, sing in the shower, let loose. High school is only home to you for four years and four years literally comes to feel like four minutes. You can cry about it. You can curse the ass for making you grow up. But it's inevitable. Time cycles on, brings a new day, but it leaves old memories and will bring you to new places. So, write things down. Take a selfie. Good lord, videotape you dancing to some ridiculous boy band. Give yourself little memories of the time you spent.
Because it's the last time you will spend there.
felt so bittersweet reading this but it surely did give me some hope for the one year I have left in highschool. Good luck Nicole!
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